the small stuff

**i posted this on facebook as a note, but i thought i would add it to my blog as well since everyone who reads this (mom) is not on facebook. enjoy.**

i totally should be asleep right now. but i just had an amazing experience (well, you may not classify it as "amazing" but then again you aren't writing this note, now are you) and i felt the need to share it with whomever may happen to stumble upon this little section on facebook. so here we go.

first let me preface why i classify my "experience" as amazing. so i have been spending alot of time in the gospels lately-doing a little studying on the life of Jesus. (I am also reading "Just like Jesus" by Max Lucado- i highly recommend it and any other book by him) but anyway, I was reading the other day about a man who came to Jesus (well, there are several of these stories in the bible) and asked Him to heal his servant-without Jesus actually having to come to his house and personally see or touch the man- and Jesus was glad to heal the servant because of that master's faith- HIS TRUE BELIEF THAT JESUS COULD AND WOULD DO IT JUST BY VERBALLY PROCLAIMING THE HEALING. Also, there is another passage that really supplements stories like this (and the one i am about to explain)- It is in Mark, and Jesus is talking to the disciples about having faith about the things they can do with the power of God...like telling a mountain to move for example. He tells them that if they truly believe that they can do it (or have received whatever they have asked for in prayer) then it will be done for them. Ok, so that is powerful. As I was driving home tonight- super late and in the COLD and RAIN, i remembered that I didn't have my access card to get into my apartment building. (I lost it-again. responsibility is definitely not my best quality) I also had 3 big laundry bags full of clothes that I needed to get into my apartment asap- and there are never ANY spots after like 9pm in my parking lot...which means i was going to have to park across the street and walk the whole way back (with the previously mentioned conditions still in effect). So remembering what I have been reading in the Word, I just started asking God if he would not only provide a parking spot for me in the good lot, but that someone would be around to let me in to the building. (At like 1 am on a Sunday night- my chances didn't look good...at all). But I chose to believe in what God COULD do for me and not what seemed likely. Well what do you know, I pulled up and BAM- parking spot right outside my door. Might as well have had my name on it. Once I got all of my bags out of my car, I walked up to the door and just stood there- having complete faith that someone was going to come out. And sure enough, not 1 minute later, two girls walked out of the door on their way to wherever people go at 1 am on a Sunday night. I just grinned and walked right on in. 

All that to say...if God cares that much about me getting a good parking spot and literally opening doors for me to get inside my apartment, how much more does he care about things like internship opportunities for the summer, who I am going to marry, where I am going to live after law school, how I am going to pay off my loans, etc. etc. The main thing I feel like God is trying to teach me right now is what authentic faith should look like in my life- and any other Christian's life for that matter. It's not only knowing that God wants the best for us (which He does- and that is very important to know), but also believing that those good things ARE FOR SURE GOING TO HAPPEN FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE IT! I guess my point in making this an open note and not just one for the journal is to encourage anyone who may be struggling with what God can/wants to do in your life. God loves each of us the same (thank goodness, because I can think of ALOT of people who "deserve" His love more than I do) and if he loves all of us the same, he wants to give YOU that good parking spot (or whatever you are praying and believing Him for) just as much as he wanted to provide it for me. That's my favorite thing about God- he isn't limited in His resources of what He can do for us-heck, he created all of this. Of course it's His to give away! 

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT, and it will be yours." -Mark 11:24 

I hope you smell what I'm steppin' in here. It just made my night and I couldn't help but share. I hope this encourages someone out there who may be pondering what God is all about like it did for me.

lame.

could there be a more boring blog? probably not. i feel as if i start EVERY post with..."so i haven't blogged in forever..." well, sorry. i have a few things going on these days...law school being the major chunk of it. but i feel the need to make my presence known every once in awhile, just for confirmation that i am still breathing. 

christmas break was everything i needed...in every way. i needed out of virginia for a little while, i was going crazy. finals will do that to you. but in hindsight, i had an AMAZING finals experience (well, as amazing as one could have while cramming a whole semester's worth of knowledge into the brain in order to it spit back out on the ONE test that determines your grade for the semester). I studied hard, and I laughed even more. Every second of the day was spent writing and re-writing rules on dry-erase boards, while slamming big-gulp after big-gulp (of vanilla diet coke) and almost puking from overdoses of gummy bears...all in the company of the best study buddies i could have ever asked for. Although I felt *somewhat* prepared for all of my tests, there is just something about reading that fact pattern for the first time that just makes your stomach turn a little bit. BY THE GRACE OF GOD ALONE, I finished every exam with confidence and an overwhelming sense of peace...and God definitely blessed that first semester. No, I'm not first in the class. But I'm happy with my grades and I know I am exactly where I need to be to fulfill God's calling for my future. And to me, it just doesn't get any better than that. 

but back to christmas break. I spent the majority of my time plopped in a big comfy chair in front of the fireplace at home watching movie after movie...only moving to get more food (that could explain the reason NONE of my clothes fit right now) or go to the bathroom. you think i'm exaggerating...which i do alot...but i am so not about this. it was glorious. I got to not only see all of my best friends, but actually spend some quality time with each one of them. that was awesome. I also made a few trips to the woods with my brothers and daddy...I didn't shoot anything, but what's new? (I dont think I would have the heart to actually pull the trigger anyway- at least i never have before) I also got to see MARGARET on new year's day. Since she lives in Australia and I havent seen her in over a year, it was really a great time. on top of all of that, another exiting event happened in the Holland family....BO GOT ENGAGED! I love love love my new (soon to be) sister, and we spent HOURS over the break looking through bridal magazines, etc. It was so fun, and I cant wait for the wedding! 

So now i am back in virginia- being gone for a while definitely allowed me to appreciate it more when i came back. i couldn't wait to see my friends again and be back into a routine (even if it is a strenuous one). This semester is going to be a lot tougher than last, it seems...but I know I can do it and I am ready for the challenge. I have been applying for internships for the summer and I have gotten a few good leads...so that is exciting. I know they are all competitive, but I really love that I can rest in the fact that God knows where I need to be for this summer and if I am attentive to His voice and direction, he will open the doors for me. Living by faith is WAY better than figuring everything out on your own...And who can add a single day to their life by worrying? (Matthew 6:27)

I have had some pretty profound revelations/experiences lately from some of the songs that I have been listening to on my ipod. I will share some of those verses and songs in some posts to follow in the next few weeks...they will have to suffice for now, since I have a pretty big legal research assignment due at the end of this month. So until next time....

(sorry no pictures this post-i'm too lazy)

Taking a Deep Breath.

I've always loved the Holidays...but this year I have been especially grateful for Christmas and all things involved with this season.  The LIGHTS (the white ones. i've never been a fan of colored lights), the FOOD- snacks, candy, good homemade meals- all free of calories, of course! And being around friends and family is definitely the best part of it all. Being so far away from home has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself- not being able to call my parents for every single thing like I was able to do for 22 years of my life...I was forced to "grow up" and learn to figure things out on my own, ask other people around me to help (a humbling experience for sure) and ultimately, I was forced to find out who I really was, apart from everything and everyone I've ever known. What a wonderful experience it turned out to be! I have made friends that I will remain close with for the rest of my life, I have learned what will (and what WON'T) make me happy in the long run... and I have learned that sometimes, you need to put your WHOLE heart into certain things- not knowing what it/they will give back to you in the end. In my opinion, there is no point in living life half-way..."Go Big or Go Home." But seriously, life is way too short to not take some risks. So you get hurt or may not succeed sometimes...well, isn't that what friends are for- to help you back on your feet and remind you why you went "all out" in the first place? I am talking about school, jobs, friendships, relationships....anything that is important enough to be willing to put it all on the line. I feel like I have done that with several things in my life this semester- some have turned out fabulous, others have been a disaster...and some are still very much up in the air. But regardless, I know Jesus came to give me life "to the full"...and I am going to take complete advantage of that fullness! And what a better time of year to be reminded of all the reasons Jesus came to earth for us than right now. 

Speaking of fullness, I guess I should update everyone on some of the events that have happened the past couple of months in my blog-absence! Well, I had a birthday.  23. I dont know who said all birthdays suck after 21, but I dissent! (ah, legal terms) This birthday was BY FAR my favorite birthday I have ever had. Maybe it was the people, maybe it was the week-long birthday events, or maybe it was just the break from law-school misery for one weekend, but whatever the case...it was AWESOME. Harris flew into town for the weekend, and we celebrated her arrival with a couple of friends that night, then the next day- Harris came to class ALL day with me- and one of my girl friends brought a birthday cake for me to class (my law school section loves to celebrate), we had a big mexican birthday lunch with friends, and then a big cookout that night at my best friend James's house with all of my close law-school friends- cake and all. But it gets better...

The next day (my ACTUAL bday), me and harris and Bri (by FAR the two most fashionable girls I know) went shopping all day and then that night we celebrated at cute little Italian restaurant for dinner and finished the big weekend 

with KARAOKE- my favorite activity (besides dancing). Of course, everyone LOVED Harris and it was so great to have my best friend from home along with my new best friends from Va.

Along with celebrating my birthday, I also celebrated Thanksgiving this year in North Carolina with my friend Katie's whole family. She has a legit beach house that her family always goes to for holidays, and we spent the weekend there-hanging out w/ her cousins and eating ALOT. It was sad to be away from my home for Thanksgiving for the first time..ever...but being with her family was definitely the next-best thing! 

Although I was able to participate in a couple of fun activities this semester...real-life hit HARD and fast after Thanksgiving break. Law School is "special" in the sense that we only have ONE test per semester that determines our entire grade in that class, which comes at the end of the year. A week after thanksgiving, our reading period began for a few days before our first final. Finals lasted two weeks (one test every other day) and I definitely think we kept Starbucks, 7-11 (Super Big-Gulps!), and chick-fil-a in business for those few weeks. It was the longest two weeks of my ENTIRE life, but I finally made it through the first semester! Now, only 5 more to go. I wont find out my grades until the first of January, so I am taking a break from all things Law School during the break. I have NO idea how I did on any of my tests, but I do know that I felt SUCH a peace during each test- due to the massive amounts of prayer by my parents, friends, and professors during each final. I especially love how the Dean of the Law School personally stopped me in the hall before one of my finals to let me know he would be praying for me during that test. Wow, what a blessing.

I apologize for the extremely long post...but that's what happens when I don't have time to post during the semester....hopefully more posts will follow soon!!

yes, i am still alive. i think.

first, let me apologize for my prolonged absence from the blogging world. the good thing is, since i got to go back home for fall break and see most of the people who read this anyway, some of you are still semi-caught up on my life here in Va...but for those that aren't, where do i even start?! 

The last month has been nothing short of WILD. in every way. School started kicking me in the butt- repeatedly....and then on top of the normal hundreds of pages we have to read every week- we have had legal memos due in Legal Research and Writing that we are unbelievably confusing, long, and we cannot discuss them with anyone until after they are all turned in! And you know me....NOT talking about something is probably THE WORST part of the whole thing!! Our main memo for the semester was due yesterday, and I did not sleep more than a few hours the whole past week. Needless to say, when I laid down after class to "take a nap," I didnt wake up until 10am this morning. And my body is still retaliating against me- i'm pretty sure i am getting sick. But enough about school...because honestly I just dont want to think about it for a few more hours. 

I have become really close with a few other girls in law school, and it has been so great for us to be able to share the same struggles with classes, the juggling act of trying to have a life/relationships with school, and still sharing a desire to have a relationship with God and edify one another in the midst of the craziness. I have found that it is so easy to get caught up in my own schedule, problems, relationships, etc. and put God and even others on the back-burner, and these girls have been a steady reminder to me of how God got us to law school in the first place and what our true purpose in life is- to love Him and love others. What a blessing. 

As for Fall Break, being home for a whole week was so good for me. I got to see pretty much everyone I wanted to at some point of the week/weekend, and having my brothers both home for the weekend and football game was so fun. I know Mom loved having us all together too, especially since I wont get to come home for Thanksgiving this year. And you know I hit up all my favorite restaurants in Starkville while I was there- Bulldog Deli (3 times), The Grill, OVPC, Obys, Harveys....and of course some good cooking of MOMs! Before coming home, I had really been eating healthy, working out everyday, etc., and I definitely came back to school after that week 5 POUNDS HEAVIER! i am not exaggerating. Obviously, I enjoyed myself that week.

I have missed Starkville SOO much since I've been back, especially as it gets colder and colder up here and the boys here start pulling out Pea Coats instead of Carhart or Northface jackets...I sure do miss those Southern boys and their style. I can't really explain it, but the boys are so different here. Not in a bad way, just different. 

Speaking of boys, that subject has been a roller coaster in itself the past couple of months. I wont go into details- a little too personal for a blog in my opinion- but I will just clarify for those that know what I am referring to, that I have no longer have a "significant other"- from the past or the present! I have decided that I just want to focus on strengthening my relationships with my friends, both here and back home, and treat my relationship with God as the most important in my life. And besides, who am I kidding, I dont have time to get serious about a relationship right now- I can barely breathe I am so busy these days. 

So there is a semi-brief update. Who knows when I will post again...but just know that I haven't died or anything. (although finals are coming soon). Now, back to the books. its OUTLINING day! 

oh yeah- my computer crashed earlier this month. (2 DELL computer to crash in one year). so i got a mac. and i am obsessed in every way. if you are considering getting a new computer, please let me convince you to buy one of these bad boys. 

i'm still here.

so I haven't blogged in a while...or called anyone back in weeks...I have been SO busy with school! We have started to get our writing assignments on top of our normal reading for classes...a tiny bit overwhelming, but so far, I have remained strangely calm. I remember Steven telling me one time this summer (when I was super stressed and overwhelmed about camp/lake stuff-which seemed to be ALOT) that God was just preparing me this summer so that I wouldn't freak totally out when the stress hit in Law School. One of the most insightful comments I've ever heard...he was so right.
I still can't believe I am about to start the FIFTH week of Law School...the material is PILING on fast, and I must admit, I couldn't be more confused about what it takes to form a contract!! However, I LOVE my Civil Procedure, Torts, and Christian Foundations classes...and property is becoming bearable at least. So that's good. I feel like the weeks have been flying by...I live for the weekends these days- and they have NOT disappointed so far!! I never really have known what it means to be "workin' for the weekend"...until now. Admittedly, there wasn't much pressure on ANYTHING in undergrad-academically at least- and even "school-nights" usually felt like the weekend. If anyone is reading this that is still in undergrad....DON'T TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED!! I barely have time to run errands or do laundry anymore...it's a crazy life I am living these days, but I wouldn't want it any other way. One good thing about working so hard during the week to get to the weekends is that we try to make the weekends as fun as possible. That means our HUGE 1L group of friends going out to dance, sing karaoke, etc. and doing anything BUT talk about law for a few hours. Saturdays are not technically weekends for me- I have to use that day to study and make my outlines for classes- but I take Saturday nights off and Sunday is usually a pretty chill day too...speaking of Sundays...we are moving into our NEW BUILDING tomorrow for church!! There is a massive prayer meeting tonight in the new bldg. and I am SO excited about seeing it..it may be overwhelming at first, but I am ready for something bigger- it just means more room for God to move.

Since I seem to be using this to update many of y'all rather than call/email like a good friend would, I have a few other quick updates since talking to many of you. I have FINALLY found a wonderful group of GIRL friends! Since I moved here, I have really been praying for God to connect me with some other strong and Godly girls here, and he has (of course) been so faithful! I have a very close group of girls at school and another group of girls that are my guy friends' wives/gfs/friends and they are all SO awesome and uplifting...and we have all started hanging out together on the weekends, which is so fun! Also, about the "boy situation"...well, I guess you will just have to call me for that information. ;)

On an ending note, I can't believe the weather here lately. It feels like straight up FALL. No, not Mississippi fall, where if you blink you miss it all together...but more of a constant breeze that lasts all day and all night. Everyday has been BEAUTIFUL this week...it makes studying inside almost impossible. Hopefully it will stay around awhile.

back to the books now...I have a theory about Law School that I will share with everyone as soon as I get another free minute to post...I know you are on the edge of your seat about it already....

several updates.

1. First and foremost..Sarah Palin is my freaking ROLE MODEL. now, I know women all over the world are saying this, but having the extreme amount of confidence that I do (some would say its a fault of mine...whatever.) I REALLY honestly believe I could do what she is doing!! (one day, far down the road of course) I have an immense love for [conservative] politics and I want to eventually run for public office, AS WELL as having a big ole' happy family (imperfections and all..because we all know, NO family is perfect) at the same time. But until my day comes, I will live vicariously through my girl Palin....you go, girl. She's sassy, classy, and a true conservative CHRISTIAN leader. Who wouldn't want to be her? Good job, McCain. A true Dream Team if you ask me. A strong and steady grandfather and a hot mom running the Country. Call me crazy, but I am totally ok with that.

2. Law School is getting way harder....fast. But I am still taking it one day at a time...so far, so good. I just have to remember to breathe every once in a while. Thank the LORD for my wonderful boys (my law school buddies) that keep me sane. I wish everyone could meet them. They are freaking amazing....and their girlfriends/wives are even cooler. score.

3. I have some VERY EXCITING things to look forward to coming up! My friend BALEIGH is coming to see me the first weekend in October (I plan on convincing her to move here next semester and live with me, we'll see how that goes over) and then the very next weekend, all of my Regent friends and I are going to DC to a Christian Legal Society Nat'l Conference...we even get to skip class for it...YAY! I already can't sleep I'm so excited about it. AND I plan on meeting my husband while there. Keep your fingers crossed for me. ;) Then a couple of weeks later, I am coming HOME for a whole week!!!!

4. I started Weight Watchers last week. Keeping track of stupid points SUCKS, and I am ALWAYS hungry it seems, but I needed to get in a habit of eating better to stay healthy for school, and I have had heard great things about this program. We'll see.

5. Welp, thats all I got time for. I miss everyone SO much. (Had a small breakdown Saturday when I thought about everyone celebrating in the Junction after State's victory over who-knows-what team. But I got over it eventually. I'll be home for Homecoming AND The Egg Bowl...so I guess I can hold out until then!)

"the mind is a terrible thing to waste"

I should definitely be catching up on some much needed sleep right now, but due to the fact that I do not have to go to school tomorrow (YAY for Labor Day!) means that I have some extra time to catch up on here while I wait on some new songs to download and laundry to finish drying.

I want to share with you something God has been stirring in my life since I moved to Virginia and it is truly a revelation that has yet again, changed my life. Life with God just keeps getting BETTER and BETTER for me. I spent way too many years of my life without this intimate relationship with Him, unfortunately, so I am definitely making up for lost time these days!! Let me just say first and foremost that being a Christian is SO much more than a religion. I am amazed everyday when I talk to (and about) God at the DEPTH of the relationship that there is to be had with Him, and how much of that I completely MISSED- even growing up in church and with amazing spiritual influences all around me my entire life. It wasn't until I had an indescribable ENCOUNTER with God a year ago in California (visiting Jack at Bethel) that I truly begin to realize the depth of God's LOVE and purpose for my life and what He wanted to be to me...which was everything. After that realization, I have never been the same. My desires have changed, my relationships have changed, my plans for my life even changed...and what amazing plans those are turning out to be!!! All that being said...I will move on to the point of what I want all of my wonderful friends/readers to realize, something that is transforming me lately.

WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IS EVERYTHING.

I have realized that 90% of my problems lie not in situations themselves, but what I am THINKING about those situations. Our thoughts have the power of life or death, and Solomon says it best when he sums up thinking: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he..." (proverbs 27:3) I have found that when I am thinking positive thoughts about myself, situations, other people, etc...my attitude improves drastically. Thinking positively, to me, means focusing on things that God says about me. It is important to remember...The voice of God ALWAYS encourages. (and the voice of the devil ALWAYS discourages) I have been reading Joyce Meyer's book, Battlefield of the Mind, and she talks a great deal about this principle in her book, as well as her ministry in general. As if God wasn't speaking to me enough through the book, a visiting pastor spoke on this very subject tonight at church! I KNOW God is revealing all of this to me because he knows that my mind is where my struggle has been the majority of my life. I am being set free of so much spiritual bondage in this area of my life, and I just want everyone to feel as liberated as I do about this subject!! One important thing that the pastor I heard tonight say is that God gives each of us a "thought-monitor" within us...and that is our feelings and emotions. HOW TRUE! It is impossible to be thinking good and positive thoughts, and be feeling bad. Likewise, it is impossible to be thinking depressing and negative thoughts..about yourself, situations, whatever..and be feeling GOOD! I have seen direct results in my life the past couple of weeks... in my outlook on law school and this new chapter of life away from everything I have ever known and loved...by changing my attitude about it all- beginning with how I think about this new chapter. It IS God's plan for me, and it WILL be a good and fruitful season. Has it been easy? of course not. Anything good takes work. But OH FRIENDS, it is so worth it!! This is the first time in my life that I truly feel CONTENT...something I have ALWAYS longed for...and it has come largely just by changing what I choose to think about on a DAILY basis.
As Paul encouraged the Corinthian church to do, so I encourage you to do when negative thoughts start to manifest themselves in your life..

"we demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up AGAINST the knowledge of God. We take EVERY thought captive to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5)

God created us with PURE thoughts about ourselves and who we are in Him. My desire is to get back to that mindset that I was originally created with, so that I can be emotionally healthy and productive for the kingdom of God. God is calling me to a higher standard...one that I believe we are ALL being called to...and the only way I can get there is to BELIEVE that I belong there, as a daughter of the King, and to take captive every thought along the way that would try to tell me otherwise. I hope you will join me in this EXCITING journey, as we renew our minds everyday to align them with the word of God. I will leave you with a verse-mix from J.M.'s book that will begin to get our minds on the right track of what we should be thinking/believing:

I believe God.
I believe He is working in me, no matter how I feel or how the situation may look.
The Lord has begun a good work in my and He will bring it to full completion!
(philippeans 1:6, 2:13)