re-direction

it has been an emotionally exhausting week. waves of sadness, confusion, peace, excitement, anxiousness, despair, hopefulness, and purpose have all washed over me...in the past four days alone. 

i wouldn't even know where to begin to explain the reasons for these emotions, and i have been contemplating even blogging about it at all...but i have resolved to explain what i have learned this week-through those emotions- while not revealing every single detail about my life (mainly because that is just not what i want this whole blog thing to be about). i have gone through phases of using this blog as a way to "update" friends and family about my crazy, all-over-the-place life, but who am i kidding- most of my closest friends (and most members of my family) don't even know what a blog is. i have realized that i have instead attracted a curious audience of fellow bloggers who seem to enjoy this not-so-creepy form of voyeurism as much as i do. so to whoever my audience may be, i hope you enjoy this re-direction [of the purpose] of my blog as much as i plan to enjoy posting on it. hopefully i will do better with posting now that the first year of law is behind me. thank God. 

so back to the purpose of this post. purpose- i really like that word. i like it because it perfectly describes what God has been revealing to me this week. like what it looks like to run passionately after God and HIS desires/purpose for my life and what it feels like when i lose sight of that. and what it does to my everyday thoughts, motives, and actions when i am not living with the passion that God put inside of me. I am not the most patient or laid back person, anyone who knows me well can attest to that. I am working on it. (I actually am fairly laid back compared to my type-A friends in law school, but i realize that's probably not a very accurate measurement). But i also know there is something inside of me that craves for more than complacency-which can often be misinterpreted as being patient and/or laid back- in my life. And as much as I hate to admit, in the past few months I had begun to crave my own desires and comfort more than I craved to know what God's desire for my life looks like, mainly out of fear that His plan may not include certain luxuries that i think i need or deserve, like a husband...a nice house...maybe even a boat...a lucrative job...a comfortable life in general. The good thing about God is that He still has the same plan for our lives now that He has had since he created us (with our own unique passions), despite what we think we His plan should shape up to be...and when He knows that our heart's greatest desire really is to do what would please Him, he wont let us get too comfortable in our "complacency" before he gently rips it out from under us. And trust me, it sucks. well, at first. until you realize...as i have this week...what His ultimate purpose in that is- to get our mind and heart back to HIM, and Him alone. He wants to be our first love, and He will do whatever it takes to get us back to that place. (see Rev. 2:2-4)

so that being said, i am working on re-directing my focus, desires, and passions back to the things that HE desires...for my life, for this world, for His kingdom. and I know he has given me desires of my own--like my intense desire to get married. the desire to minister to high schoolers. the desire to speak to massive groups of people one day about things He has revealed to me through the Holy Spirit. the desire to have kids...and to raise them the way i was raised. the desire to save children from human traffiking. But I want to be sure that those desires truly ARE from Him and not simply my own. Because without God, they will always be mere desires. Only He can turn those desires into realities. And what an unfathomably awesome reality they will each be if they are His. I truly can't wait. 

i shouldnt be doing this at work....

but it looks like i am anyway. i have seen this on several blog-friend's sites, so i dont even know who i should give credit to for stealing it from. oh well. enjoy.

FOOD-OLOGY

What is your salad dressing of choice? honey mustard (from bulldog deli)
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Carrabas. (or Chipotle...is that considered "sit down" though?)
What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Mexican for sure. Gimme that quacamole/queso. I am becoming more Texan with every meal.

What are your pizza toppings of choice? either a classic pepperoni and cheese, or something really different like mushrooms, artichokes and spinach.

What do you like to put on your toast? i dont eat toast. yuck.

TECHNOLOGY
How many televisions are in your house? 1 big one in my "summer home". but in the beach house i am moving into in the fall-- 8 flat screens. i kid you not. and i didnt even watch TV last year...this could be dangerous.
What color cell phone do you have? the original iphone- so black and silver i guess.
What does the first text message in your inbox say and who sent it? "im supposed to find out if i got the job this afternoon..i'll keep you posted." - From Wes Moorman

Who was the last person to call you? Wes. (wow, i didnt realize i talked to him so much until right now)

BIO-LOGY
Are you right-handed or left-handed? right--but i apparently putt better left-handed?
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? my wisdom teeth and my appendix. see one of the below posts for that one.
What is the last heavy item you lifted? probably one of my suitcases when i moved in my house in Texas. I have been around a lot of great guys this summer who pretty much do all the heavy lifting for me. i love it.


CRAP-OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? H no.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Elizabeth or Jane or something really old. And keep the "ann" with it so I would have a double name. i love double names.
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? maybe. I'm pretty broke at the moment.

DUMB-OLOGY
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? too many.
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? last month. pulled over in Tennessee going 20 over the speed limit. me and the cop started a conversation about how i graduated from State (he saw my alumni decal) and i told him i was in law school now...he came back 5 minutes later with a verbal "warning" and told me that he wasnt giving me a ticket because i would probably just try to challenge it being a law student and all. silly cop- but awesome for me. sometimes it does pay to be in the law business i guess.
Last person you talked to in person? Judge Onion. LOVE HIM.
Favorite Month? November (my bday month) and May (b/c it means school is OUT for months!)

CURRENT-OLOGY
Missing someone? yes.
Mood? hard to figure out. anxious. confused. but oddly, content at the same time.
What are you listening to? Hillsong United- the new cd. so good.
Watching? the computer screen. obviously.
Worrying about? the future. things not working out like i think they should.

RANDOM-OLOGY
What’s the last movie you watched? Legends of the Fall. FINALLY. (for the record- it was beyond amazing)
Do you smile often? everyone tells me i laugh alot (like, more than necessary probably). so i guess that means i smile alot too.
Do you always answer your phone? yes- it is attached to me. although i am working on changing that. so dont be mad if i dont answer when you call soon.
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? probably someone with the wrong number. my friends have matured out of drunk-texting me at 4 am (well, most of them)
If you could change your eye color what would it be? i LOVE my eye color. but i could always go MORE green!
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? vanilla to my diet coke. YUM.
Do you own a digital camera? yeah
Have you ever had a pet fish? no, but my parents do. i think it is still alive. i dont really pay attention to it.
Favorite Christmas song? so many. "What child is this" maybe. or "O Holy Night"....classic.
What’s on your wish list for your birthday? a road bike. or a dog. (both super expensive i realize)
Can you do push-ups? yes, i just started the "colt mccoy" workout this weekend- which requires a crap load of them.
Can you do a chin up? i could, but i choose not to. those things suck.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited? both. i just wish i had some sort of idea of where i will be, who i will be with, and what i will be doing in two years.
Do you have any saved texts? my phone saves every text ever sent automatically. pretty convenient for evidence purposes. (of course i would be thinking like a lawyer with that one)
Ever been in a car wreck? yes- spring break in high school. thought i was going to die.
Do you have an accent? apparently a pretty strong southern accent.
What is the last song to make you cry? "Breathe" by T-Swift. that is so gay, but i love her. and that song.
Plans tonight? running after work and then going to a new Bible Study (through Austin Stone) with a girl friend. so pumped.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yes. thank goodness i have a relationship with God to snap me out of it.
Name 2 things you bought yesterday. 1. dinner at Chuy's and 2. vanilla chai at Mozarts. (i eat alot here)
You ever been given roses? yep
Current hate right now? cliche words, like the word "intentional" (esp. when overused)
Met someone who changed your life? yes definitely.
What song represents you? "Emotional Girl"- Terri Clark. and currently-- "Capitol City" by Matt Wertz
What were you doing 12 AM last night? trying to fall asleep.
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? i need to change the song on my alarm because it is getting on my nerves so bad.

quote of the day

so i was just talking to one of the law clerks in my office about law, our passions/interests as those relate to the law, etc....and she shared with me an AMAZING quote that i wanted to pass along. It is along the lines of what God has been revealing to me a lot lately, and I just think it is awesome how God confirms through others what He has been speaking to us individually.

(the last sentence was the quote the lady shared with me, but i think the whole paragraph is worth posting!)

"There are different kinds of voices calling you to different kinds of work, and the problem is to find out which is the voice of God rather than of Society say, or the Superego, or Self-Interest. By and large a good rule for finding out is this. The kind of work God usually calls you to do is work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world needs most to have done. The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet." -Frederick Buechner

life in the FUN lane!

i am officially on semi-vacation for the summer. [Semi] because i technically do have a "job" in austin- the internship...but after 4:00 every day, i literally go into full tourist mode. it's awesome. my afternoons have consisted of MANY good meals, trips to various lakes and pools in austin, concerts, put-put golf, more eating, hanging out at outdoor local bars and coffee shops...i truly feel like i am a professional tourist! Having amazing friends around and down to do anything-- like my friends who I have met on lake crew the past couple of summers--have made being here even better! I cant believe it is already June...which means I only have a month and a half left to work/play and pack as many activities into the evenings and weekends as possible! Some of my new friends that live in Austin are currently compiling an "austin activities" guide at the moment...and I just so happen to be around to benefit from their knowledge of the most adventurous and "local" things to do in this city--i can't wait!

To top off our recent adventures, me and my buddy Wes tried out Austin Stone this past weekend (the church in Austin that Chris Tomlin started)....and wow. amazing. I cant WAIT to go back this Sunday- we even met some friends on our first visit and we both cant wait to get more involved. I started to really consider transferring to UT to finish out law school so that I could be around for longer, but the thought of leaving my amazing friends, school, and BEACH HOUSE behind is too much to tackle right now....so I have resolved to move back here in exactly two years when I graduate. We shall see what the future holds, but I REALLY, REALLY hope it includes Austin at some point! 

Just to give you a little idea of what I am experiencing...this week will include (but is not limited to): a free concert at a restaurant by Barton Springs on Thurs. night, friends in town for the weekend and a FLOAT TRIP planned for Saturday, church and supper with new friends on Sunday, and a tentative movie on the lawn Sunday night at one of the parks in Austin.  love love love. 

accomplishment.

something big happened in my life today. obviously, my first thought was to blog about it. 

i completed and turned in my first internal memo to a REAL Judge (the one that i am clerking for this summer in Austin). it was a hard case. multiple issues...really long briefs- and reply briefs and cross-claims and reply briefs to those cross claims...all about issues/laws that i didnt really know anything about before i showed up to work for my first day last week. but i did it. and in my (humble) opinion, i think it turned out to be a pretty good memo! Of course, I wont know if the judge thought so unless she says something or her staff attorney gives it back to me for revisions, but the sense of accomplishment i felt as i walked down the hall and handed it over was truly overwhelming. I am beginning to feel, for the first time really, that I am finally DOING what God has called me to do. I knew I was in the right place to LEARN how to practice law at Regent, but in this job- writing and researching issues and drafting opinions about how the law should be decided/interpreted.....THIS is what I love! this is why I busted my butt all year to get good grades. this is why I took out a ton of money to go to a school that i LOVE. to teach me how to be an effective lawyer. I know, I know...I am not a lawyer yet. but to be in an internship where I am given responsibilities that other attorneys are given on a daily basis--puts the pressure on, but in the best way possible. Needless to say, I know God brought me to Austin for this internship for this reason...to show me that i AM on the right path and he WILL help me figure this stuff out so that I can be an effective intern (and soon an attorney) and that it can be FUN along the way. 

i have been hanging out alot with the Davidsons and some of James's friends since I have been in Austin. They are awesome....I feel like I just automatically became a part of the group when I got here, and they have been so great to me. As much as I want to be back in Mississippi....or the South in general...to hang out with certain people that I MISS and never get to see it seems, I am trying really hard to just live EACH DAY to the fullest while I am in Texas and just enjoy what God is blessing me with here. He is so good to me, and I am so thankful that He ALWAYS wants the best for His children and delights when we see and realize what His best looks like! 

VA to MS to TN to MS to TX

what an amazingly crazy last couple of months it has been. finals came and went before i really even had a chance to stress out like i normally do...but as fast as they went, there were definitely some great memories made along the way. From a random road trip to Williamsburg to study negligence and proximate cause, to multiple BEACH TRIPS to study federal rules of civil procedure, to hitting up every coffee shop in Virginia Beach and Norfolk for a "change of scenery" while trying to cram every minority and majority approach to real property into our heads...it was an intense two weeks spent with some wonderful (and super smart) friends. All but one of my grades have come in, and all the glory belongs to GOD for the successful semester I had!

Finals were just one aspect of the craziness though...the day after finals ended my parents drove up to Virginia to help me move out of my apartment (so long, commons!)-- by moving half of

my stuff into James' house for the summer (which will have to be

moved again in August to my new BEACH HOUSE! details coming in later post) and the other half into mine and my parents car to take home/to Texas for the summer. Talk about a task. In between packing and moving, I got to spend some

much needed time hanging out and catching up with mom and dad and eating VERY good meals on the beach. After making the 14-hr drive back to MS (which we did in one day....and were very impressed with ourselves), I spent the next week and a half unpacking, re-packing for Texas, visiting old friends who were still in town, PAINTING MY ROOM, and trying to catch up on some much needed sleep! busy weeks to say the least.

Then the fun part started. A couple of days before I was supposed to leave for Texas (for my summer internship in Austin with a Judge on the TX Court of Appeals!), i drove to Tennessee to pick up a friend who i had met through a mutual friend of mine in law school a couple of months earlier who would be driving with me to Texas that week. The next day, we both drove back to Starkville to spend the night with my parents and hang out before we left the next day. After nine hours in the car together the first day--talking about life....pasts, futures, passions, interests, etc....I definitely got to know that friend a lot better. After spending the night in Ft. Worth with one of my BEST friends, Erica Wilson, me and the friend spent the next day walking around the old stockyards in downtown Ft. Worth (it looked like an old western movie...cobblestone streets, saloons, horses...everything!) and then we took a random detour to SIX FLAGS over Texas! We stayed all afternoon....and rode every good ride at least twice! The next day we FINALLY arrived in Austin after a rainy 4-hr. drive full of good talks and music. After moving all of mystuff into my new house, we met all of my best [law school] friends (the Davidsons- who are from Austin) for dinner and then went dancing (two-stepping of course) all night. so fun.

This past week was my first week of my internship--and it has been AMAZING! I love working for the Judge and my boss (her senior staff attorney) is possibly the coolest and most chill person I've ever worked for. I got to sit in on and hear Oral Arguments during the past week--something that I practiced so much during school (for moot court) and am finally getting to see in real life! God has truly blessed me with this opportunity and I cannot wait to see what all He has in store for the rest of the summer. On top of having a great job, i am LOVING being in Austin---so many amazing restaurants with awesome rooftop patios, so many random friends being in town, living with super cool roommates, and tons and tons of fun things to do!

I'm going to try to update alot more this summer since I will hopefully have a little more time to blog...so much has already happened, and I cant wait to share my Austin summer with everyone!

semester update...

yeah, you may need to sit down for this one. I cannot even begin to describe the CRAZINESS of this semester--i thought last semester was intense....now here  i am, begging for those "good ole' days" back!! Spring Break was a great success---I went to the Rodeo THREE TIMES in one week: once with Bo and his friends on his Birthday, second time with all of my law school friends (and Caitlin)--in a limo--where we made a scene of course, and the last time with my family (and Erica). I had never really been to a serious rodeo before...and i LOVED everything about it. I never appreciated the talent it takes to compete in those events until I got to see it (3 times, remember) up close and personal. My favorite event: 3 and 4 yr. olds RIDING SHEEP--as in, holding on for dear life until they fell off as the sheep were running across the arena about 50 mph. it was awesome. But enough about Texas. Back to Virginia...where the real craziness occurs. 

Right after I got back to school, I got hit hard with tons of reading (as usual) and on top of that, my Appellate Brief (biggest paper of the 1L year) was due in a couple of weeks....and I hadnt even started the research for it. **For anyone who has been in/is in/knows someone in law school--you can feel my stress level at this point.** So...the weekend before the paper was due, I was finally getting into a groove and was working away and about to start typing the paper...and what do ya know....I suddenly got appendicitis! The story: After throwing up profusely (sorry, it's just part of the story) and having an incredibly sharp pain all over my stomach for an entire day, my friend Sarah finally took me to the ER late that night. The Dr. kept me overnight (after pumping me with anti-nausea and pain medicine through an IV) and ran a CT-scan the next morning...they saw my appendix all right....it was so infected that it had almost ruptured at that point! I quickly got wisked away to the operating room and I dont really remember much after that until I came out of the anethesia in my hospital room---surrounded by ALL of my friends from school with balloons, flowers, magazines, etc. My mom flew in that night to stay with me in recovery and ended up staying the rest of the week/weekend to take care of me. I got back on my feet pretty quickly---I am back to running, working out, etc. now and the only reminder of it now is the three little scars on my stomach from the surgery. battle scars from law school. oh and I got an extension on my paper, but i still managed to get it in a week after my surgery. I have to testify: GOD WROTE THAT PAPER FOR ME, because there was no way i should have gotten that thing done so quickly!!

Since then, I have been swamped with more reading, starting to prepare for finals (coming in a couple of weeks--yikes), and we had MOOT COURT [fake oral arguments before real judges--a competition] all last week/weekend. All of that, and I managed to make it to Barrister's Ball [basically, law school prom] somewhere in between! I had the CUTEST date in the world for the night...but that deserves a whole other post for another time! Like I said, this has been the craziest semester of my life, and but i have strangely loved every minute of it. I can't believe I am almost done with 1L year! YAY!